The Litany Against Temper

Gentle Readers, Crusader Manners apologizes for not having updated you sooner. She did, in fact, win the GM election. She has several posts half written for you, and none of them are quite right yet. So in the meantime, she offers you the following excellent advice, adapted from the original Litany by S.M. Stirling for his novels.

I must not lose my temper.
Temper-temper-temper is the bum-killer.
Temper is the little mistake which leads to you lying
On the ground wondering Oi! What's with all this spreading
pool of blood then?
I will permit it to pass over and through me.
And when it has gone past the other bugger
Will be the only one bleeding.
Only I will remain, wiping off me knife.

Crusader Manners thinks this is her new mantra.

Expectations for Casual Raiding

Gentle readers, Crusader Manners is in the middle of a GM election. She is running against that pesky "None of the Above," but she working very hard to make sure that she is ready for the eventuality that she does not lose.

So today's post is something of an experiment. Crusader Manners is not a big fan of rules, per se. Rules imply external enforcement, which is unpleasant. She likes expectations, which require self-enforcement. So she has formulated the following expectations for casual raiding which should ease stress and increase performance, but she is soliciting feedback.

Expectations for Casual Raiding

1. We will have what we need. We will be in the right spec, wearing the right gear. We will be fully repaired. We will have our own potions, flasks, and elixirs. We will bring the proper reagents. We will have vendor food and drink in case there is no mage.
2. We will be on time. This means that we may have to log on before the posted raid time to make sure we have everything taken care of.
3. We will be gracious. If we have been on a raid already this week and someone else has not, we will consider making room for them.
4. We will be honest. If, in the analysis, we do not have the right gear or performance for a particular raid, we will voluntarily pass for a reserved spot on a less demanding one.
5. We will be prepared. We will read the wiki pages and watch the strategy videos in preparation for a raid. We will consider printing them out or taking notes so we have them at hand.
6. We will be awesome. We will be not raid while intoxicated, as this is not fair to the group. We will not cuss each other out during fights (we can take our fingers off the button and cuss away). We will offer constructive criticism.

As always, you may send your questions to crusader_manners@incendiaeternus.net for polite and sometimes timely answers.

Your Questions

Dear Crusader Manners,

First let me say, I'm a big fan; you've combined my love of WoW and my obsession with courtesy, so of course I'm all about your work.

Gratuitous appreciation aside, I do have a question I'd like you to weigh in on: When is it appropriate to post damage meters in a PUG?

I, natch, am super-elite and usually finish in the top 1-2, but I don't run meters because I'm secure in my DPS. That said, it seems an awful lot of people like to throw up meters whenever they want to brag, belittle, or bemoan... And frankly I don't think its important as long as the mobs are dying. Granted its useful to have metrics by which to gauge ones contribution, and from time to tome I even ask to see them so as to assess my own performance, but its gotten gratuitous and I think there needs to be some etiquette established with regard to this practice.

So what do you think is appropriate?

Best,
Hesta of Zul'jin-US


Dear Hesta,

Crusader Manners appreciates your kind words of support.

That being said, Crusader Manners runs her own DPS meter. She does not post data with it unless requested. That way, she has the information she needs when she needs it, and does not spam anyone else. If you find that Recount is hogging too much in the way of system resources, she recommends that you ask someone to whisper the Recount data, rather than announce it loudly.

It might be wise to simply redirect and ask people to help out by not spamming your chat frames with meters during raids. That way, vital information is not lost, opportunities to roll on loot are not missed, and no one is made to feel inadequate. Different classes and specs put out different types of damage in different kinds of fights, so comparisons of this sort are very unnecessary.

Your Questions

Why do people feel the need to use the terms "gay" and "fag" and "retarded" so often? I find the first two in particular offensive, as I have many friends who are of that persuasion, and have mentioned this to my raiding guild. Still, they persist on occasionally using such. Is it unreasonable of me to ask them to stop?

You can ask them to stop, but the truth is (as always) that we can't ever change any behavior but our own. Still, the most false cliche in the English language is the one about sticks and stones.

According to wikipedia, "mental retardation" is a diagnostic term derived from early IQ tests. Over time, it has become synonymous with people who are willfully less intelligent rather than unfortunately less capable. Because of this, in the field we've changed the technical language. Now a person with an IQ below 70 (and we won't talk about the validity of IQ testing here) is referred to as having a developmental disability. So this just leaves "retard" as an insulting word. How insulting? A 2003 BBC survey rated "retard" as the most offensive disability-related word.

What can you do about people using it? Well, instead of asking people not to, you can instead take the pledge, and spread the word that you have. People respond better to a request phrased in positive terms than negative ones.

The same is going to be true for the use of sexual pejoratives. If there's a campaign to stop people from using them, Crusader Manners doesn't know about them, but it's all going to be in the phrasing. "Help me to stop this language," sounds way less accusatory than, "stop using this language!"

Ultimately, calling people "fag," or "retard," isn't a message of contempt for homosexuals or the mentally impaired. It's verbal bullying, and in the end, Crusader Manners thinks you have better things to do with your time than play with bullies.


Have a question of your own? Email crusader_manners@incendiaeternus.net for answers.

Random of Reflections

Crusader Manners had a bad time of it last night using the random dungeon finder.

She ended up in a partially completed HoR (just the running away apart was left) and the first thing the tank demanded to know was how the DPS of the newcomers was. Crusader Manners should have known that this was going to be a problem if that's what he was focused on, rather than his own tanking skills.

He then proceeded to call names, vote to kick a party member for low dps, and totally failed to keep aggro from Crusader Manners and the warlock. Crusader Manners admits to quitting the group after the third wipe, which of course was not cool at all.

The moral of this story is that you've got to focus on doing your job to the best of your ability before you can critique how other people are doing theirs.

The second moral is that someone should tell Blizzard that it would be really nice to not to waste your 15 minutes if you decline to clean up someone else's mess.

Crusader Manners will be answering another reader question before the end of the evening.

Note: Crusader Manners realizes that this post sort of contradicts the rule of blame she posted previously. The rule of blame doesn't quite seem to apply in this case entirely - but I don't quite know how to fix it. If the tank can't hold the aggro and the dps pulls back, then Arthas catches up and kills the whole party. In this one, everybody's got to be holding up their own end, or the whole thing falls apart. I suppose that's why it's called teamwork.

Money

Crusader Manners received three very good questions from one writer. Some of them require more thought than others, so I am answering them separately.

Should there be a limit on lending gold to friends/guildies/etc? I hate to poke at people about money, but I do want to help them.

When you have a friend who has just come to your server, a suitable gift is 4 netherweave bags and a sum from anywhere from 10-100 gold, depending on your own gold reserves. More than that, your friend will appreciate your time, advice, and help.

Later on, Crusader Manners is not a big fan of loaning gold. If you want to give someone gold for their mounts, or items, that's fine. Otherwise, it's best to avoid what could be an awkward situation. Do not loan anything more than you are prepared not to get back.

If you must loan gold, clearly communicate via email how much it is for and when repayment is expected.

Have a question of your own? Email crusader_manners@incendiaeternus.net for answers.

Apologies

... to Alesanna of Windrunner-US for accidentally ninja mining her node. Crusader Manners is not perfect, just trying.

Your Questions

Dear Crusader Manners,

I have two questions.

The first, perhaps is rhetorical, as I'm not sure there's an answer, but; How exactly does one keep an Oculus group together? I know that they put in the nifty loot bags with the extra badges, and that they nerfed the nose off the end boss, but I can't seem to keep a random instance group together either straight out of the gate, or following the first wipe due to someone not being able to use the green drake to heal as well as dps/find the timestop button on their bars/ fly a red dragon in a forward facing manner.

Second, Do you think that the vote to kick mechanic has instituted a sort of common manners mob justice? I've noticed PUGs for heroic quests being unusually full of kind and well mannered people lately, except for the one in an extremely long while, where someone will lose their mind and sense of common decency and start badmouthing the DPS about how he's topping the charts, when he's actually specced feral dps and can't seem to hold aggro, which is why you're finding out what the floor tastes like in places that you wouldn't normally voluntarily lick the flagstones.

Curious,
Dr Locktopus

Dear Dr. Locktopus

Crusader Manners spent a little time exploring your questions. It actually took me a while to get a random Oculus, and then I had to think about what made it work well and what had made it miserable in the past. Since Crusader Manners is also trying to learn how to tank (unholy if you were wondering), this made things pretty interesting.

As always, I have to remind you that there's very little that you can do to change the behavior of others. Instead, you have to behave wonderfully yourself, and hope that people will fall in with it. The first thing I did when I got to Oculus was to say, "Yay! I love this instance!" This is perhaps a bit of a stretch, but the group was convinced that I did not mean it sarcastically. Being enthusiastic should help some. The other thing that's important is to make sure that you know what you're doing in there, including what to do with all the different drakes, so that you can provide advice and help. Crusader Manners has a guild mate who she can simply auto-follow during the last fight, and she loves that guy.

Finally, one of the biggest stress-causing Oculus group break downs comes when someone insists on doing one of the color-shutout achievements. This is a big no-no for a random group. They require coordination and planning that can be better done with your guildmates in voice chat. So if someone insists on doing them, explain this, and respectfully decline.

As for your second question, I think that common manners mob justice can only apply when the mob has some idea of manners. Judging from trade chat, Crusader Manners is pretty sure we aren't there yet.

Yours Truly,
Crusader Manners

Have a question of your own? Email crusader_manners@incendiaeternus.net for answers.

General Guidelines for Understanding Death

Crusader Manners has noticed that when there is a death in the party, people are fond of assigning blame for that death. It is extremely rude to tell someone else they are at fault for your death when they are not, so keep the following helpful general rules of thumb in mind.

• If the tank dies, it is the healer's fault.
• If the healer dies, it is the tank's fault.
• If the DPS dies, it is their own fault.

Stay in range of the healer. Don't pull aggro off the tank, or before the tank is ready. And don't blame anyone else for your own mistakes.

Your Questions

Dear Crusader Manners,

I know that Azeroth is just a stage, and the "people" merely players. But I really dislike when those Alliance scum flaunt their banners about and cause grief for my brothers and sisters of the Horde. Surely there must be greater quests and areas to explore than a constant chattering at the feet of my friends, while flagged for combat. Is there anything I can do short of tearing their tails from their Draenei lice-infested hides?

Concerned,
Soon To Have an Aneurysm

Dearest Soon,

Unfortunately, your brothers and sisters in the Horde do not have clean hands. Crusader Manners herself has led attacks on Dolanaar, although she felt a little guilty about it at the time. In this situation, you really have only three choices. You can ignore them, which is classy but frustrating. You can ask someone infiltrating the alliance to have a word with them, although they are not likely to respond positively to this. The third choice is the most satisfying, and that is to get a LOT of older and more skilled friends to respond in an attack of the "shock and awe" variety. This is perhaps the most satisfying, and may lead you and your friends to have a delightful afternoon bringing honor to the Horde.

Sincerely,
Crusader Manners

Have a question of your own? Email crusader_manners@incendiaeternus.net for answers.

How to Behave in a Random Group

• Wait a minute. When you get started running the instance, people might need a few seconds. Many healers do not hang around all the time in their healing gear and spec. Some people have discovered that wearing junk gear is a good way not to end up in HoR and need to put on the good stuff. Everyone might like to eat. Quickly confirm everyone's readiness before beginning.
  
• Everyone defers to the tank. It doesn't matter who the party leader is. DPS and healers should wait until the tank is ready to pull. They should stand where the tank indicates. And if the tank says they don't want to do an achievement, then that achievement isn't happening. Further, DPS should make a point to target what the tank is focusing on. Your death is your own fault if you don't.
• The tank defers to the healer. This means that the tank needs to keep an eye on the healer's mana and the chat pane. It is the tank's responsibility to make sure they aren't pulling while the healer is low on mana.
• Be polite. "Please," and "thank you," are important! Put them before and after every request. A polite party member is less likely to be kicked when they make a mistake than a rude one.
• Don't demand or nag. If you need something, ask for it once. If you think that your request got missed, it's okay to ask a second time, but no more than that.
• Don't cuss in party chat. It may not be a big deal for you, or in your house, but not everybody playing appreciates your profound obscenity. Again, a polite member is less likely to get kicked than a rude one.
• Don't be selfish. Only need things you need for your main set, and agreed upon items for your off-set. Nobody cares about your off-off-set. Do not hit need on orbs - unless you are using them to make an item for your main set, you don't actually need them any more than anyone else does. If someone asks to need an item for their off-set, let them. "Might use sometimes" should still trump "going to sell that to a vendor." Also remember that an instance is not a competitive event, it is a cooperative one. You don't win unless everyone else does.
  
• Don't quit. Unless you've agreed as a party to give up, dropping group is really rude. It sends the message that you don't value the time of others very much. If you think you will need to quit, warn or explain first. Example: "My mom hates it when I put her off. I may have to go," or "If we wipe one more time, I will not be able to afford this repair bill. I can't do this anymore."
  
  

Welcome to Crusader Manners: A World of Warcraft Advice Column

Hello gentle crusaders and welcome to the first entry of Crusader Manners! The purpose of this blog is to inspire players to interact courteously with one another, making the game environment pleasant for everyone.

There is no requirement for manners in Azeroth, as anyone who has ever spent time in trade chat can tell you. And it certainly isn't my expectation that this blog will change the behavior of everyone. Nor do I think it appropriate (or polite) for us to directly correct the manners of other people, lacking an authoritative position (parent, teacher, etc...) from which to do so. Instead, we should address our own behavior, and humbly offer a positive example.