Your Questions

Why do people feel the need to use the terms "gay" and "fag" and "retarded" so often? I find the first two in particular offensive, as I have many friends who are of that persuasion, and have mentioned this to my raiding guild. Still, they persist on occasionally using such. Is it unreasonable of me to ask them to stop?

You can ask them to stop, but the truth is (as always) that we can't ever change any behavior but our own. Still, the most false cliche in the English language is the one about sticks and stones.

According to wikipedia, "mental retardation" is a diagnostic term derived from early IQ tests. Over time, it has become synonymous with people who are willfully less intelligent rather than unfortunately less capable. Because of this, in the field we've changed the technical language. Now a person with an IQ below 70 (and we won't talk about the validity of IQ testing here) is referred to as having a developmental disability. So this just leaves "retard" as an insulting word. How insulting? A 2003 BBC survey rated "retard" as the most offensive disability-related word.

What can you do about people using it? Well, instead of asking people not to, you can instead take the pledge, and spread the word that you have. People respond better to a request phrased in positive terms than negative ones.

The same is going to be true for the use of sexual pejoratives. If there's a campaign to stop people from using them, Crusader Manners doesn't know about them, but it's all going to be in the phrasing. "Help me to stop this language," sounds way less accusatory than, "stop using this language!"

Ultimately, calling people "fag," or "retard," isn't a message of contempt for homosexuals or the mentally impaired. It's verbal bullying, and in the end, Crusader Manners thinks you have better things to do with your time than play with bullies.


Have a question of your own? Email crusader_manners@incendiaeternus.net for answers.